If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
