Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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