God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
