I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?