whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me