Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

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(210): Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly. http://tfl.nu/2xxy

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(847): View more from Illinois

Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test

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(847): Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test http://tfl.nu/tst5

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(904): View more from Florida

I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

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(904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here. http://tfl.nu/eefr

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Pass out mid-funnel last night.

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(603): Pass out mid-funnel last night. http://tfl.nu/a6ug

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(216): View more from Ohio

Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

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(216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was. http://tfl.nu/ift5

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(631): View more from New York

Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america

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(631): Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america http://tfl.nu/n1lq

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

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(702): I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad. http://tfl.nu/4uh2

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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(603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8

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(239): View more from Florida

You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

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(239): You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house. http://tfl.nu/7m77

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(708): View more from Illinois

BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK

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(708): BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK http://tfl.nu/o0os

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(307): View more from Wyoming

They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.

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(307): They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting. http://tfl.nu/gm65

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(831): View more from California

After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"

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(831): After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!" http://tfl.nu/os8d

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(302): View more from Delaware

Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?

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(302): Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech? http://tfl.nu/c3aa

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(515): View more from Iowa

You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.

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(515): You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick. http://tfl.nu/jkbb

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(914): View more from New York

Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.

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(914): Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block. http://tfl.nu/om9a

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