Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.