theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.