the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.