I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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