Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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