No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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