so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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