who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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