feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My liver just had a heart attack.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
