I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
