I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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