Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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