conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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