his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
