Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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