Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
