So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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