she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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