I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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