god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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