sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
