dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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