So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
