Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
