Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize