And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
