i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
