Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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