What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
