tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
