Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
