I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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