Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
