This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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