i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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