Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
