I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
