So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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