So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
