I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
