ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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