Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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