I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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