Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize