This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
