just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
