I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
