yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
