We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
