i would punch a child for taco bell
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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