I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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