It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
