once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
