I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
