i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
