Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
