i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
