So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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