I showed him my bush... on skype.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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