It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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