So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Boobs speak an international language.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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