i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Panties = found
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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