Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
