i was born a porn star she said
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
