when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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