Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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