is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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